The last day of school was really hard and bittersweet. I am supposed to be thrilled that it's summer vacation, and I really am, but I am also really sad that I'm not going to see my students again. The last 9 months were spent dedicated to that group of 115 and now, suddenly, they're gone. It's probably really unhealthy that I spent so much time thinking about them, and now I am unsure of what to do next. I need to relax, but already I'm thinking about what I'm going to do next year. A group of teachers went out after school to celebrate, and I couldn't participate in the revelry. Then, I went back to school to clean my room, drove onto campus, and a group of kids had returned to sit on the picnic benches. They screamed when they saw me, and piled into my car. They were able to cheer me up. So, at least the day ended brightly.
I think I need to spend a few weeks not looking at any teaching books, blogs, websites, etc., and dedicate my time to ME.

Today, Block 3 said, "Go stand up front, close your eyes, and open your hands. But be careful, you might cry." I almost cried just because he said that. They handed me a card signed by the whole class with little comments like "You're a great teacher," "I'll miss you," "For a first year teacher, you're amazing." It made my heart melt. And, they gave me a very generous gift certificate to Barnes & Noble AND Starbucks. Another girl crocheted me a blanket. Another girl handed me a note saying, "Thanks for helping me out. I brought my grade from an F to a B." It was beautiful. I love these kids, and I'm really going to miss them.

I'm reading Me Books right now. I love reading all their silly love poems, looking at their random pictures, and their collages of all things material. I remember when I was that age I had torn up magazine pictures all over my walls. For some reason, pre-teens love name brands and pop-culture. Likely because they're trying to figure out their place amongst it all. These books really bring me back to who I was at that age.

Today, I caught a kid singing "On the Radio", the song I analyzed for them back in January. I said, "Who sang that?" meaning who was the kid singing. But then almost the whole class yelled "Regina Spektor!" I thought, "they're going to remember this forever." I'm really feeling sad and wistful that this year is over, but I'm also really excited for next year. I intended to read my epic I wrote for Block 1 today, but Joe, the hero of my epic (because he's the one who asked me to write it), wasn't here for the 3rd day in a row. I'm really dissapointed that he doesn't show up to school anymore, and am worried about him in high school. But he might be retained anyway. Which makes me worry even more.

Oops.. over a month since I've updated. School is almost over, and I'm trying to figure out how to keep my students busy. Yesterday we cleared the desks and sat on the floor to discuss high school. It was nice. I think I will do these class meetings once a month next year. Sitting on the floor suddenly makes everyone more comfortable. Today I asked students to write about the best and worst experiences of the year. I told them this was my first year, and many of them were surprised. They thought I had been teaching longer. Many students said they loved the class, many said the class was boring at the beginning of the year, but it's better now. This I knew. I had a lot of boring lessons. I realize now how fun and interactive lessons need to be, and I really worry about how to integrate that with the textbooks next year. I think I've been teaching like I would teach high-schoolers for most of this year.
I also asked them to write advice or warning to next year's students. Many of them said to not get on my bad side and not to get me mad. I thought this was strange, but then they said that it was rare that I got mad, but when I was mad I was scary. One girl compared me to a volcano. I did not know this about myself, and am not sure if this is a good or bad thing. The 7th graders I student taught said I should be meaner. I don't think I instilled any fear in my students. Maybe I did. Maybe they're worse in other classes. Maybe I have no idea how bad they can get. Maybe some teachers are more tolerant. My principal complemented my classroom management to one of my co-workers with problems in that area. Personally, I feel out of control half the time. I actually don't really like that I can get really mean sometimes. I wish that there was a way to have fun teaching while maintaining peace at the same time. I like that I'm so mellow and calm. I think good classroom management comes from respect from your students. I was asked by this other teacher what my strategies are, and I really don't have any. I just feel respected. Most of the time. Maybe class meetings will help next year. One student's advice was, "we really are like dogs. Reward us and we'll do what you want." This is kinda sad... Maybe to earn respect you have to give candy...
I think I'm going to be a pretty good teacher someday. I'm looking forward to starting fresh next year - I'm so must more confident and relaxed than I was the beginning of this year. A girl I met at our yard sale a couple weeks ago signed up for my Broadcast class only because she wants to be my student. What a nice complement. I'm really going to miss this year's group, though.

Remember, Mr. So-and-so, remember I'm a lady

My students are really engaged with Anne Frank. I think this is my best unit of the year. I had no idea they would be so engaged. We started reading the play on Monday, and students are fighting over roles and asking a million questions and making all sorts of connections. I really didn't know the play would be so fun, but it's actually pretty funny. The characters are so outrageous, and the students love taking ownership of their roles, putting on voices and arguing with each other. All of my classes had fun, but I found myself snorting trying to stifle my laughter all through block 4. I learned today that "cupcaking" means flirting when I asked what they thought of Anne and Peter's relationship, and one student said, "They be cupcaking!" When I asked how the confined living quarters was affecting the group, one kid who never, ever participates blurted, "They have cabin fever!"
Not only do they like reading the play, they've been really involved when we talked about the Holocaust. They asked a million questions, and I didn't steer clear of any taboo topics because they themselves brought them all up. We had some really serious conversations about questions students brought up on their own, like "How could someone be so evil?" or "How come no one did anything about it?" The same kid who taught me "cupcaking" asked, "Aren't they killing a bunch of people in Africa right now?" I am going to have them do group research projects on genocide around the world, and am going to have them write skits about prejudice they see on campus.
It blows my mind how much I underestimated my students' empathy. I kind of think that adults are so quick to say that kids don't care about serious issues, but how many teachers are actually teaching this stuff to their students? None of the other 8th grade teachers are teaching Anne Frank, and one said to me that she didn't want to teach it because she didn't feel knowledgeable enough about the Holocaust. But if we don't teach it, how are they as adults going to know how or even want to look out for other people? One of the greatest thing about Anne Frank is how well the play humanizes her. The students are connecting to this girl, and then suddenly realize that she died in a concentration camp, and wonder "How could this happen to such a normal teenager?" She's famous for being a real voice to all the nameless Holocaust victims, and this personalization is what is going to make kids care about current and future genocides. I really don't think that Shakespeare or The Call of the Wild (what other 8th grade teachers are currently teaching) could be nearly as important as this.
Anyway, I'm happy, but also a bit sad because my students are leaving soon. Being a teacher is emotional. Every day I'm happy, angry, sad, frustrated, flustered... I hope that over the years I develop thicker skin.

Rant Rant Rant

This weekend felt like a wild goose chase. On Friday some dumb kid swiped my computer power cord off my desk, so I was left with a drained battery and pages still to edit on my MA that was due today. I almost finished typing Saturday morning, but I then decided I needed to go find a new power cord before it was too late. I called CompUSA in Vacaville, the closest store that carries Apple products, and they said they had one. I got there, and they said they didn't have one. Next stop was UC Davis bookstore. None there. Next, I went to the Apple store in Sacramento, and they had just sold their last one. The salesman was willing to sell me his personal cord, but he didn't get off work until 9. I gave up, called Maria, and asked to charge my computer at her house. Luckily, she was home, and Robert was nice enough to let me borrow his cord. So, after finishing the paper and hanging out with Maria for awhile, I went to Kinko's for copies. I thought it would be simple: 5 copies, 2 bindings, drop off on campus on my way home. When I got there, I discovered 5 color copies would cost me $500. So, no color copies. After it took almost an hour to place my order (what do they not understand about copies and binding??), I discovered that they couldn't even process it then, and I would need to return in the morning. So, I drove back to Napa, returned to Davis in the morning, got to Kinko's and found they hadn't even made the copies. After the copies printed, I sorted through them and saw the page numbering messed up and tables were broken in half. The guy said it was because I gave them a word document. He said they see this happen all the time. Why didn't he tell me this yesterday, so I could have fixed it? So, I spent $50 on their self-serve printers printing out a new Table of Contents and new Reference page and Appendices. Finally, I left, looked through one of the binded copies and realized they didn't give me all the color copies I requested (and paid for). Next, I went to Academic Surge to drop off the paper and found the doors locked. So, I headed to Benicia to give Kathy the papers in person.
I spent this afternoon purging all the mounds and mounds of MA papers scattered around my floor. I'm sitting here looking at a clean apartment and 135 nicely bound pages and I feel no sense of satisfaction. I don't think I've recovered yet from the anxiety I felt all weekend. And I'm certainly not ready to go back to work tomorrow. All because some stupid kid thought it would be fun to take a cord that is probably now sitting in some dumpster somewhere. It makes me sad that any of my students would steal from me. I already lost the Butter Battle Book at the beginning of the year. I'm just going to have to get used to the fact that as long as I'm a teacher things are going to be stolen.
Anyway, my MA is done, my apartment is clean, and my lesson plans are at school. I don't know what to do with myself now.

Today I had the pleasure of being pelted with about 20 water balloons. Today was Project Day, and all of the dens displayed their trimester project. Our den put on a carnival with games made out of 100% recycled material. One of my groups decided to hold a canned food drive, and every student who donated a can got to throw a water balloon at a teacher. Only 3 other teachers joined in, but it was still a success. We drew a huge crowd and collected a ton of cans. I'd like to feel flattered that so many of my students cared enough to bring a can so they could throw things at me. It grew a little chaotic when kids started stealing balloons and cans, kids were aiming for our heads, and the VP started giving me the evil eye for allowing this mayhem to occur; but the kids had a lot of fun, and I think that made it worth it. I definitely had a lot of fun too, and I've been laughing about it all day. It's good to be goofy around the kids, and I think I might have won some brownie points.
The carnival was the most popular attraction on campus. Another den created a U.S. map the size of the cafeteria with facts and trivia games, which was really cool. But the other dens just had powerpoint presentations and posterboards, which were pretty boring. Any trouble I might have been in for the water balloon chaos was balanced out with the great job I did with the carnival. Rather, the job my students did, because they did everything. I was just responsible for it all.
I still don't know what I'm doing for my research unit and Anne Frank unit, and I'm a bit stressed; but I've been learning, and today helped reinforce this, that I don't need to be so uptight all the time. It's okay if my lessons are less than perfect, it's okay to allow laughter in the classroom, and it's okay to be myself around my students. I always tell people to chill out - I should take my own advice.

Update

I tend to eagerly get involved in something, and then forget about it shortly after. This blog for example. Part of the reason I haven't updated is because 1) I've been working on my MA that is due in three weeks (I'm on page 79) and 2) I'm working on a really boring unit in school. I'm prepping my students for the District Writing Assessment, so I've been teaching Response to Literature essay writing for the past two weeks. Strangely, I feel like I'm finally starting to teach my students something. I've actually felt a lot better about my teacher since the return after winter break. Things are starting to fit together and go smoothly. I really feel like I've gone back to school and retaught myself everything I used to tune out. I cannot wait until next year when I get to start all over again.

I'm thinking of doing a family history research unit next... I need to start brainstorming...

Anyway, I have things to say, and I will say them eventually.